Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
