I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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