hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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