I can text with my tongue
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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