dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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