ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
