You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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