your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize