Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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