Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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