i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
