My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
