I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
