my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
