Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
