I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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