I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
