Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
birth control should be required to get into college
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
