I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
