we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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