True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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