I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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