i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
