He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I fill condoms, not promises.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
