Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
