If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
