if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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