Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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