I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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