I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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