don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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