Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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