a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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