I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
