Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
