upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
