Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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