Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
