So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
