Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Come see our sink grown plant.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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