shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
