i can't believe i had my finger in that
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
