and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
