I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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