Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
