so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There r osticjed everywhere
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
