The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
