I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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