Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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