We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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