where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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