My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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