We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
