How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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