10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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