the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
