I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
