I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
