"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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