I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
