I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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