Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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