Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just high enough for therapy.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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