well I can't set my house on fire every night
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
