When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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