It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
wow bdsm is so cute
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