He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
