So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
