why didn't you poke me back
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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