Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
