Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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