I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
