Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
