I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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