i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
