It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
