I just saw a hot homeless man
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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