im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
