Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
