I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
